"And I came to see that I, too, was a window, and that the light was everywhere."
This resonates with my experiences after a sudden separation. Wonderfully put. And ugh, that raw, aching, unrelenting pain. And newness. What a strange experience—like many sudden life changes / collapses, everyone's experience is different, but the echoes of commonalities are so powerful too.
Excellent writing, Natalie. It reminds me of the year when I was suicidal, and I kept imagining my future self - a self I was not sure would ever exist - looking back and sending love and belief in myself and my ability to survive. A future self telling me: "you will survive. you will be a person again someday." I did make it out, and I do feel like a person again, and I remember my past-self often, and I send that love and belief back to her. She will survive. She will be a person again someday.
I get it <3 What helped me was not trying to love-blast myself. And just being like, OK Im not ready to let all this in -- but what about one percent? Or one percent of one percent? One can struggle with feelings of deserving-ness and also feel *some* love at the same time, in my experience
this was finding “costly wisdom,” which is something where you never would have asked to learn it and you never would have consented to the experience of learning it, but your experience is forever changed afterwards anyway
Just beautiful. I have also come to find a lot of comfort in time travel; oddly enough, it keeps us rooted in the now, and reveals to us how many blessings are to be found exactly where we are, just as we are.
Have you listened to Für Hildegard von Bingen by Devendra Banhart?
That was incredibly beautiful, thank you for sharing this. I'm sending this to someone in my life that I love, and who has had many windows closed these past weeks.
This is so profound. I am not in crisis right now, but I will definitely try sending love across time to versions of myself that were. Or perhaps just any and all versions of myself. Sending blessings 🙌 🙏 ✨️ 💕
Grief rocks the foundations of the quicksand that loss leaves in its wake. Gratitude for the small things that remain and transforming them into the big things that really matter is EPIC.
Wow! You have such a gift, and you're putting into words things I wanted expressed, and here they are, so thank you. I think you're describing the thing that lives in things and people and the world that I describe to my secular friends and family that I found in twelve step work and which saved me. What a miracle that all it takes to be in contact with this is a slight shift in perspective, as you say.
"And I came to see that I, too, was a window, and that the light was everywhere."
This resonates with my experiences after a sudden separation. Wonderfully put. And ugh, that raw, aching, unrelenting pain. And newness. What a strange experience—like many sudden life changes / collapses, everyone's experience is different, but the echoes of commonalities are so powerful too.
Thank you so much for reading. And yes, these experiences can be so painful and transformative, my god
The way you received love during that time and the way you shared the experience here are both beautiful windows.
Thank you so much <3
Excellent writing, Natalie. It reminds me of the year when I was suicidal, and I kept imagining my future self - a self I was not sure would ever exist - looking back and sending love and belief in myself and my ability to survive. A future self telling me: "you will survive. you will be a person again someday." I did make it out, and I do feel like a person again, and I remember my past-self often, and I send that love and belief back to her. She will survive. She will be a person again someday.
Thank you for sharing this <3
One thing I struggle with practices like this is feeling that I deserve the love that is embedded in the world towards me.
I get it <3 What helped me was not trying to love-blast myself. And just being like, OK Im not ready to let all this in -- but what about one percent? Or one percent of one percent? One can struggle with feelings of deserving-ness and also feel *some* love at the same time, in my experience
Every being capable of feeling deserves to feel good, no?
this was finding “costly wisdom,” which is something where you never would have asked to learn it and you never would have consented to the experience of learning it, but your experience is forever changed afterwards anyway
Just beautiful. I have also come to find a lot of comfort in time travel; oddly enough, it keeps us rooted in the now, and reveals to us how many blessings are to be found exactly where we are, just as we are.
Have you listened to Für Hildegard von Bingen by Devendra Banhart?
This is Beautiful
Thank you <3
That was incredibly beautiful, thank you for sharing this. I'm sending this to someone in my life that I love, and who has had many windows closed these past weeks.
That’s wonderful to hear, thank you so much <3
This is astonishing
Thank you!
This is so profound. I am not in crisis right now, but I will definitely try sending love across time to versions of myself that were. Or perhaps just any and all versions of myself. Sending blessings 🙌 🙏 ✨️ 💕
Thank you! ❤️
Going through a really hard time right now and you have become someone who is there for me when no one is there for me <3
Rooting for you, Kate <3 <3 <3
Grief rocks the foundations of the quicksand that loss leaves in its wake. Gratitude for the small things that remain and transforming them into the big things that really matter is EPIC.
Thank you <3
beautiful
This is impeccably written. I’m at a loss of words. I’m so glad i stumbled onto your writing Natalie 💗💗
What incredibly kind words, thank you so much <3
Wow! You have such a gift, and you're putting into words things I wanted expressed, and here they are, so thank you. I think you're describing the thing that lives in things and people and the world that I describe to my secular friends and family that I found in twelve step work and which saved me. What a miracle that all it takes to be in contact with this is a slight shift in perspective, as you say.
Thank you so much, Joshua 🙏I’m really glad this resonated with you and hope your journey is going wonderfully
Is that port meadow in Oxford? I’ll put my love there too!
It is!! And that would be so wonderful <3 My past (and current) selves so appreciate it